Arrived at home at 7:58AM, changed my clothes and checked Facebook. That’s what I do everyday while I wait. A lot of things comes on my mind but only our memories together and the love we shared makes me hold on. We had a lot of plans for our future. I know he’ll come back, I know he still loves me. He’s just tired. I’m gonna give him time to think things over, to enjoy life but I’ll make sure he wouldn’t forget me too. Yes, my heart isn’t okay now but sooner or later everything will fall into place. I just decided to go to school by tomorrow to let the registrar check my subjects and in case there would be some changes with the curriculum. I’m going to continue my studies next semester! I know he has a class at 2:30PM, and since its my rest day tomorrow I’m going there at around 2PM and do some stalking maybe? I may act stupid, but I just wanna see him (but he doesn’t have to see me too, it would be enough for me to see him from a far than not seeing him at all). I miss him so bad and it hurts. Love can do anything if we want to.
It was 7:30AM and I bought some Truffle Kremes from Krispy Kreme this morning and brought it to his place. I didn’t inform him that I was going there. He likes surprises. I was actually scared and afraid but I have to just to make him feel that I still remember our special day of the month. Oh well, then I arrived there at around 8:30AM and saw his mom talking with her friendly neighbor. I walked towards them and asked if Chaddy was there, and his mom told me to get inside and wait for Chaddy to wake up. Scared and nervous that Chaddy would see me, I told his mom that I gotta go home too. So I just left her the paper bag with Truffles inside (with a love letter in blue paper). I forgot to take a picture of it but its close to the picture I attached here. Then I went home and wished for luck that he won’t get mad at me. I know he needed space, that’s why I should not let him see me. He might get irritated. It hurts, but that’s the best I can do for now. I got home at around 9:00AM, turned on my PC and checked Facebook. Feeling anxious and uneasy while exchanging messages with my cousins, they’re trying to wake me up from reality so I won’t get hurt that much on whatever Chaddy can decide very soon. I cried (as usual). I was alone at home and was listening with love songs that tears my heart apart. Got a text message from my phone and it was from Chaddy, saying “Thanks for the Truffles” of course, I said he’s always welcome then I asked if he read the letter, and he said yes. My heart was melting and hoping he’d feel like missing me too as I replied with sweetness and care, thanking him for receiving that sweet little thing.
It’s supposed to be our 45th monthsary but we’re not okay. It’s so easy to divert my attention to other stuff I like to do. Friends, business, career.. but I choose to feel the pain and emptiness because I know I deserve all these. I’ve offended him and I regret every mistake I’ve done. Yes, I was happy.. and that was just temporary, I was deceived by a woman whom I thought could give me what I wanted for the present. Being insensitive, I was. Selfishness and temporary happiness were the things I thought could fulfill me. At the end when everyone goes home and when I’m alone, he’s always been there to comfort and be there for me whenever, wherever. He even tried to win my heart back but I wasn’t ready to get hurt again. He has changed a lot after I broke up with him. A year and five months had passed and I realized to have him back, but it was already too late. He needed time and space, I tried to court him however, he wants me to stop. Now I’m alone and suffering about every stupid decision I’ve done to him. If I could turn back time, we could have just talked about our problems. We could still be together by now. But I’m losing him. Each day has passed and I’m getting weak. Everyone knows I’m so hung up with him. Everyone knows how much we love each other, and everyone knows we’re strong to face these trials. I hope this is just a part of growing up, this is just a part of making our relationship stronger. I won’t stop dreaming, praying and hoping that he’ll come back to me soon. I know there’s still a part of me in him. I’d still be waiting and I won’t give up. I’ll be happy soon, we’ll be happy together soon. I’m still holding on to that little piece of hope that we’ll be together again Chaddy. I’m sorry.